Well, may I say that a stage of my life is close to completion (understand how to make myself feel better). The thing is, the next one is coming.
I feel as though it is quite a daunting task to decide what to do. Everyone (parents, gf, but also some sensible people) keeps saying that I should get involved is something serious (not like learning a language or theatre, which eventually are not going to be my main area of work).
I look at the courses and such, and apart from the utter pain in the neck that all the signing up bureaucracy must involve, I can't say that I have seen something that really gives me a spark. Or at least the will to start all over again.
And one has to consider that Buenos Aires has all sorts of courses and generally a wide academic offer; I also see how much people enjoy the social side of it.
But I have to admit that the first feeling I get when I think about university is fear. Fear of failing, basically. University here is very different from university in the UK and is a lot tougher and more competitive, too. For example I got a scholarship in the UK but it is virtually impossible to get one here, simply because I am not a genius.
Then there is the latent competition with others, comparisons with the others or with one's expectations.
It's like throwing myself back into a, so to say, unprotected environment, which I suspect (and from that comes the anguish) is not going to do me good psychologically, because of the aforementioned issues.
And! I also haven't found something that sort of 'wakes up my senses', which is essential.
I just don't know what to do with myself!