Little by little

Achievements...how much do I underrate them!
I went over this with my therapist, as the (perceived?) lack of achievements is bugging me. To actually make a house a home is more difficult than it looks, and after all I haven't moved in long ago; sure I've been put under pressure by Sofía on this, as she is expecting me to keep it at least clean...now every week comes a lady to clean the difficult and tedious bits, such as the oven, window panes, window sills, the bathtub, while I can manage sweeping and mopping the rest. After all, living in clean house is healthier for body and mind! Kind of reminds me of the times in Nottingham, living with Tony the freak (a psychopath who eventually got sectioned in the psychiatric ward for a few months...), keeping the house tidy and clean..but with the bonus that Sofía has not any mental health issue and is fundamentally a person who is deeply in love with life; talk about being extra-beatufiul inside!!!


Last week was an amazing sex marathon...like never before. She was just so hot and well, though last Monday was like a bit weird (I set up the house with romantic stuff she didn't really care about because she just wanted to shag. I now am left with this persistent strawberry smell from a candle, which seems to have permeated the library wood. It was like meh, after the third time in a row I was like "enough" while she craved for more) since she was disappointed I hadn't enjoyed it as much as she did. Last Friday and Saturday it was again like being literally on fire, we couldn't stop. I ran out of condoms haha! On Saturday we went to the country house (chacra) to celebrate her father's birthday, had an amazing asado. Though Sofía always finds something to complain about me and bitched about how the relationship had undergone an "involution" (WTF? Just like that in one day? Just because she made mildly critical observations about certain aspects of the housekeeping and my well-known lack of practicity and because I took off my sweater when she asked me whether I was hot), I was able to brush off her hysteria. Then on Saturday night I went to a club with some friends but it was rather terrible: they went there basically to pull (hit on some chick, in the yankee language) but they lack that sort of attitude you need to do that in a club, if you know what I mean (if you don't, write me, I'll explain you the mysteries of life). So, well, I did what I do when I go to a club, which is dance; after all, if I wanted to pull, I'd definitely go to a bar, instead. I so want to go out with Martin the Swede and his friends on Friday: good vibes!


Apart from having some social life, which is an achievement in itself, I should not overlook the fact that I am rebuilding a relationship with my parents, which is no little matter if you ask me. I still am dubious, or rather don't weigh the importance of this, but on the long run it'll do us all good; still waiting to -really- getting in touch with my brother! And well, obtaining the residence permit, though now I have to do plenty more paperwork, is in itself a very good thing! I guess one has to grow up and start doing paperwork and get into all the bureaucracy at some point in life! And here bureaucracy is no less a pain in the ass than in Italy, if possibly even more!

People that piss me off

Seriously, I hate behind-the-back-talking, or however you call it. Even if it doesn't directly involve me, but involves people I know. I seriously hate that need that some people have to create their own group and validate it by taking the piss off the rest, looking down on the rest. Am I the dumbest being on earth, for not needing to do that, that I rather feel sorry for someone instead of laughing on him? As I walk past their computers, they suddendly hide their MSN windows to avoid me reading, one day I'll just come up to them and say that they don't need to hide it, for christ's sake I am not that stupid that I can't see it!

It seriously pisses me off that I have to work with so many people like this, that I actually tend to just look the other way, plug my headphones and focus on the work. Which in a sense would be alright if it wasn't that it really sours and embitters my day that I have to spend 9 hours per day with this class of people. It's just that I can't stand small, shallow talk that distracts me from work. All those little fellas that share uni, friends, job, blah blah blah...It's like, work hard, party hard. But no, there's so much fucking around! In 6 months or so I'm so fucking getting another job!

I regret having tried to befriending these people...I might be a dead serious, bitter, socially inept cheapskate, but I like to be around people I like, heck!

What the fuck are you always laughing about?

Blah..I should stop doing this...close myself in the office and open myself outside. It's not going to last long (they've already people being laid off because they didn't get along with coworkers...) but for now I will have to endure it.

And please, put some decent music on, FFS! Not some rap crap at 10am...

Expectations

I got off to a miserable start of the day when I woke up earlier to tidy up the closet and change the bedsheets but couldn't finish neither of those, and ended up getting late to work. And, I'm getting laid tonight and it pisses me off that I can't think of anything original to do a bit of showing-up..
For fuck's sake...and I have a deadline at work for tomorrow so I'm really short of time.
To feel miserable when nothing really is wrong is so depressing!

Party

Well, party tonight at mine's! I hope it gets well, I'm slightly concerned because the weather is going to be miserable and I do not have enough glasses for everyone but well, it's not formal so whatever...contrary to many people's opinion, I WILL make lasagne.


I also got confirmation of the temporary residence permit! And a pay rise! Wow!


I went to the therapist in a very good mood and it was a bit strange but it was a constructive session still, figuring out how it takes experience to actually manage a house and after all, I'm living on my own since not long ago. And how important it is to be open, understand not only someone else's opinion but also their reasons behind it, the steps they take in making such decision. Since the moment I am confident my parents know why I'm here, what's going on with me, I'm understanding better their point of view and I am concerned about my professional future.


It's hard for me to be open to criticism, even the constructive one.

Ok then

Well, obviously that thing I wrote on Wednesday was, well, something I wrote during one of my "downs" which eventually happen less frequently but still affect me.
It's not nice, though, or encouraging, that often that happens when I have a -as little as it may be- fight with Sofía. It's like I am still too dependent on that for my morale to be high. Which sucks. On the other hand I try to do stuff and think about my future now that I've got the residence permit.
Well, as I discussed this with my counsellor, there a lot of complex issues -problems- which look unsolvable when taken as a whole. I need to break them down in parts and figure out how to solve them one by one. I figured this out when thinking about the relationship with my parents, but it works out well as a general strategy. I need to focus and be more resolute.
On the other hand, I got quite a verbal battering from Sofía last night as she came for dinner last night. It's just that I go throwing stuff around the house and forgetting about them, so that the main areas are acceptably clean and maintained but the laundry room and closet are utterly messy and filthy. It's just that I can't be bothered to tidy it up...
I haven't planned much for the weekend, I hope something comes up with Mariano, Guido or someone else..I have to set up well the house still..waiting for the washing machine, have to buy some stools, print the photos and buy some more frames...and possibly buy an iron (yeah very masculine I know)...
Well, we'll see and hope to stay on a high for a while!

What is the point?

What is the point of progressing, learning and going forward in your career, when you're not happy about your life as a whole in the first place?

Unsettling

My parents just left to the airport and they're going back to Italy...after they spent a week in here, we had a talk about...well...pretty much everything in my life, but essentially about the fact that we don't have a proper parents-child relationship, and the fact that I "interrupted my learning process". Well, that was unsettling and I tried my best to understand their point, but I am narrow-headed. I need to make a lot of effort.


It is easier to break up relations than it is to build them up.

Quick tip

When performing acts of oral sex to your partner (may it be a male or a female, the statement is valid for both), consider avoiding the reaching of an orgasm. It may as well leave your partner with no will to have sex for the rest of the night while you will still be horny.