26 July 2011

It should be easy or it shouldn't be at all

That's what I read yesterday.
My relationship...you know, it starts to hit every now and then. I was supposed to call Ludo this morning but I ended up skipping the alarm clock because it was late, I was tired and I thought I had no credit in my calling card; then I remembered I had some, but it was too late, he had left.
Should a relationship be easy? How would another relationship be? You know, someone has given you so much and you still wonder whether it's the best you can get.
Thank god I've got a house now, though. Half-empty, but still is my place. I don't have money to buy a couch or some bookshelves, but it does give me emotional shelter. I definitely felt it yesterday as I came home as the rain poured out; it was a stupidly huge storm, there was little my little umbrella could do, I arrived home and knowing that I had some radiators and a warm place brought me back to my very essence. That freaking rain screwed up my pencilcase and even a condom I (still) have in my bag.
Funnily enough, I didn't stop carrying one around; I think still do it because I hope I can screw some girl and try something new.
That's the feeling, I wonder what's outside there, what is it like to be with another woman...just shagging for the moment and who knows in the future. Although, I don't think I will do anything actively to do that.
Ugh, I'm scared of trying new things then.

I've got a stupid amount of work to do in the next 3 hours if I want to be able to go the theatre classes this afternoon. The bloody 140 bus is damn slow and there is no subte to get to the classroom.
I fucking hate it when I start to panick. Now there's the relationship thing and I'm getting stressed about work, because there's some guys who need stuff finished this afternoon, as they fly to no less than Mongolia for a job we're doing there on Thursday. Fuck!

There also should be a goddamn phone bill I received like two weeks ago and forgot to pay..but now I can't find it. Fuck fuck fuck!

I want to go to the pubs in Santelmo and pull..duh, I just realised I'd go for the one that would give me some attention though. Don't want to do the same again, do I?
And plus, I have to remember to have a rubber on me...

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